I’m not naïve enough to think that the things that I have written in my lifetime will live on forever, nor do I believe that scholars will one day read them while they flip through the pages of a book. No, I am quite certain that my philosophies will die alongside me at the end of my time, and we will both be buried and forgotten; just like the thousands before who died with their words still locked away in a journal… I think that is the saddest aspect of the human condition—for someone’s most profound emotion or thought to be lost due to lack of a listening ear while the want of a teller remains alive. Maybe that’s all people need, just someone to listen to them, and try to understand. Just think, you could change someone’s life just by stopping and truly listening. Just by opening your eyes to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, this man or woman has the answers to the questions you’ve had your whole life. You could change someone’s life, or maybe they could change yours.
All I have ever wanted, from day one, was to guide, guard, direct, and protect each and every person in my life that I truly care about. I know that I fail from time to time, but I promise you that you’ve never had any less than my best, and I will continue doing so for as long as you will allow. My only regret in life thus far is that I couldn’t do more. Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small, like when we do a bad thing, for a good reason. Some are bigger, like when we let down a friend. Some of us escape the pains of regret by making the right choices and some of us have little time for regret because we’re looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past. And sometimes we bury our regret, by promising to change our ways. But our biggest regrets are not for the things we did… but the things we didn’t do. The things we didn’t say that could save someone we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that’s headed their way.
Have you ever looked back at the events in your life and wondered if there may have been something that could have changed everything? Some word or phrase that has never before been seen or heard by man, and if only you could find the words… But the moment is gone now, and there you sit desperately trying to cling on to the hope that all is not lost. People try to be optimistic in the face of a crisis, or impending doom because they feel as if the act will be viewed as noble. They could not be more wrong… Bravery is by far the kindest word for stupidity; don’t you think? Did you ever wonder what it would be like if you weren’t you anymore? If you were suddenly gone, how would your world react? Whatever you imagined is wrong. There’s nothing romantic about death. Grief is like the Ocean. It’s deep and Dark and bigger than all of us. And pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair.
Sometimes I wonder if anything’s absolute anymore. Is There Still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable, left to interpretation, grey. Sometimes we’re forced to bend the truth, transform it, because we’re faced with things that are not of our own making. And sometimes things simply catch up to us.
Have you ever had a dream that seemed so real when you woke up you didn’t know what to believe? What would you do if what you thought was true wasn’t, and what you thought wasn’t true was. Would you retreat into your dreams with the hope of finding a more perfect reality? Sometimes life is stranger than a dream, and the only way to wake up is to face what lies are hidden in your soul. And you can only hope that in those moments of dark reflection, that you are not alone. Stephen King once wrote: “-
Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again.”